Welcome to the evil genius that is the Infinite Christmas Card, new from our friends at the Joker Greeting Card Company.
This is just like the infamous Infinite Birthday Card, but it plays Jingle Bells instead....
You've got an Aunt Gertrude, right? The sweet one? Always sends "thank you" notes and congratulates you for everything you ever post on Facebook? Maybe she forwards you every single cat picture and insensitive political email that comes across her inbox?
Oh, and Christmas is now just around the corner.
Man, it seems like she deserves an *extra* special card this year. One that shows just how deep and, erm... eternal your love and appreciation is.
Lucky for you, we've got the PERFECT card...
What's this? A card for me? How sweet.
Hey look, it's even one of those musical cards with one of those jolly jingles!
It's not, uh, the best tune... but it's nice. Bit repetitive, maybe.
Okay, a lot repetitive.
Well, it's good to be thought of.
Okay, that's enough now. Time to turn it off. Let me just click that music button again and...
Well that's weird, it's twice as loud now.
Maybe I should try closing it, that usually turns off these--Nope. Still going.
Huh, well I'll just leave it here for a bit.
You gotta be kidding me. It's been 20 minutes, and the song is definitely still playing on this card.
What do I do now? Throw it out? I mean, that's kinda rude. I think there's like a 1-week minimum of mantle-piece display required for birthday cards.
But dammit, it's been two hours and this thing is still going! It sings from inside the trash can! No matter how many times I click the button IT KEEPS SINGING THAT DAMNED CRAPPY JINGLE BELLS TUNE!! I've twisted it, crunched it, and mashed it up and the DAMNED THING KEEPS GOING!!!!!!
It couldn't be simpler: It's a birthday card that never stops singing the catchiest, most annoying birthday jingle yet. Once they press play, they're looking at a solid 3-5 hours of earworm agony... and one of their best stories in years.
We've got single cards available in limited quantities at scamstuff.com, but you can also save some cash and stockpile your reserves with a 5-pack as well!
So tell me: who do you know that's most deserving of this treat, and why?